A New Running Path (08 October 2010)

It’s been a long time since I’ve written, and an even longer time since I posted what I had written… blame it on the infrequent internet access and the poor signal I get (the going rate of access is about once every two weeks now). For the most part I haven’t felt like writing, I didn’t have enough energy or ganas. It resulted from little advancement in my health work in Mache, being harassed by a few male counterparts in my site, not having a healthy home environment, and my poor personal health…

I now find myself in a new site, at the entrance of a canyon in a more desert like climate, or the entrance to the Sierra as they say. Like I said, my work was not advancing in Mache – the social and political climate were hindering health promotion work. There are so many systemic problems there that without the collaboration of the existing institutions, advancement was nearly impossible. Anything I could have done would have been a reactive way to approaching the existing problems. I can’t function that way, I need to work with the causes and take preventative measures or else anything I do can easily be reverted and unsustainable.

Another reason why I haven’t written about this was because it was hard. It was hard to accept and is still hard to explain. At one point I was explaining the situation to my Health Director (APCD) while I was still in Mache, and she was the one who first brought up whether I was interested in changing sites. My immediate response was “No, no, no, no, I want to make this work.” And I tried. I put all my energy into it, vested my happiness on everyday’s gains and losses. I would say at first there were more gains than losses, which then started to equal out and then go in reverse…

I was rather shocked when my APCD brought up changing sites because I wasn’t even considering it and she is hard and solid. Once making up her mind (for example putting a volunteer in a site), she wants it to work and will do what it takes for it to work. She is not a pushover and usually has males crowing with their tail between their legs (very rarely seen in this highly machista/sexist society). I find myself to be the same way, as far as being stubborn about commitment, but I guess I am here to learn, and to learn what is realistic.

A volunteer and friend cautioned me to recognize the changes I can make (I’ve heard this before… from another dear friend who would bring up the Serenity Prayer…, Sevrina!). I took this to heart, and when still in the phase of spiraling downward of how I felt in my progress, I tried to keep this in mind, and not let was happening get to me, which I failed miserably at…

I was working with the health promoters primarily, capacitating them in a health theme each month (such as respiratory disease, hygiene, nutrition, composting, the environment, etc.) and was going to the different caseríos to also deliver these trainings to the communities with the health promoters. I was hoping to design the program so that there could be a training one month, and a follow-up period the following month so that what was being presented could be enacted on. Therefore I was in the process of instigating a project with families to mark changes such as the high cases of malnutrition (which exceed 70%), high case of diarrheal and respiratory disease, etc. I also was starting to work with the schools, forming youth health promoters and improving the school and community environment with those youth (clean drinking water, vegetable garden, composting/biodigestor/worm bin, reforestation, garbage and recycling, etc.). Outside of this, I was attempting to address improving the water system in the district – the poor access and quality.

I needed coordination from the health post, municipality and schools to advance in these fronts because flying solo isn’t wise and it should be part of their work load. Systemic changes need to be made so families could even consider preventative measures instead of just vesting all energy and resources to getting by day to day. They were inadequately equipped to face their struggles due to lack of education, access to and quality of healthcare. However, communication, coordination, genuine interest, respect, and competency were so lacking that I felt like I was pounding my head against a wall trying to get their cooperation. I was stood up and disrespected so much that I would easily be in tears at any point of the day. The other health volunteer (an hour and a half walk away) who works on the side of the district, and I were so accustomed to bitching about our setbacks, that all I was starting to feel was negative emotion. Then compounded by ‘professional’ male counterparts, who I had to coordinate with who didn’t see me as a professional at all and when trying to address work subjects, would always change to other subjects. I tried so many approaches to work with them that failed and I became so disgusted with them that I didn’t feel comfortable entering their compounds and tried avoiding them as much as possible. If they treat me that way, imagine how they treat native women in the district. And how they leave kids in different places… It came to the point where they started to then also work against me in my professional work efforts.

So site change. Looking for something new. Something to work with. A new running path.

Changing houses (July 18, 2010)

I’ve definitely reached my absolute low-point and need to move up from here. There are so many contributing factors, however the most prevalent are:

(1) Expecting to be professional in a most backwards, corrupt, unmotivated and ill-trained society.

(2) Peace Corps goals being sent from Lima

(3) Also being expected to act as a professional while living with a host family with the most rudimentary resources

(4) Not taking time for myself/doing things for myself

(5) Living at high altitude, rain and the cold

(6) Cyclical sickness

(7) Not having any social support network in my home environment

Addressing issue 1: I’ve had this discussion with my Health Director, that for anything to be seen through, I have to do it myself and babysit. It’s completely ridiculous and tiring and I’m trying to find a way to remove myself from this situation. For example, we were supposed to have a Multi-comité sectoral meeting, meaning, that all the ‘leading’ institutions in the district were to meet (institutions meaning schools, health post, myself as an organization, etc. – there are 7-8 in total). I thought I had made a win in the previous meeting by setting the standard that we at least need to meet monthly to improve the communication. Setting aside the first part of the meeting to give a report from each institution’s side and leaving the latter part of the meeting open as a forum for discussion, and for letting this meeting be open to the public (as observers and in the latter part, as participants, if desired) made sense to me. Again, this would improve communication, coordination, and encourage citizen participation. Of course this whole scheme was botched when the alcalde (mayor) wasn’t here for the next meeting date we selected and when trying to reschedule for the next week, that the secretary neglected to send out letters of invitation for the following Wednesday. The secretary told me to my face that he would, but when I didn’t receive any notice, I followed up with him, and he said I had to hand in another oficio/letter to initiate setting the meeting. The Peruvians have so many formalities for doing things – sending an oficio for this, sending one for that, when verbal agreements should be sufficient in many circumstances and especially in as poor of a district as we live in, with the so very few number of computers, printers, 1 copy machine, lack of paper, and power... The following Monday and Tuesday ended up being días feriados for some holiday so the secretary had no motivation to send out oficios these days. Least to say, the meeting was postponed unconditionally. It is nearly impossible to try to plan a work chronogram. Something that should be able to be done within a week takes months, years or never here.

On that theme, the system is so corrupt that it is not uncommon for ‘professional’ workers to not be paid for months at hand, but because they have no other real option for employment, some continue to work, but rather half-ass. For example, the health post. Our health post was recently converted from a ‘post’ to a ‘center of health’ – however, we will not be endowed with funds until August. How can that make sense? We are dealing with a public system – our patients to not pay to be seen, but rather for the number of patient charts, we get paid by the state, sometimes…

Point 2, Peace Corps goals/expectations being sent from Lima… I want to laugh, or rather yell at the person on the other end when they say, “Oh, send me that by e-mail, with this form and this attached”. That could all be so easy if I had internet access. I live in the Sierra where there is no internet and 99% of the population doesn’t even know how to use a computer! Let me get right back to you… I have to take a car (if there is one and I don’t have to walk 2 hours to catch it) to the closest place with internet (2 hours away if it isn’t raining). Getting to e-mail is extremely stressful. Many times I don’t want to even bother because of the amount I have just from the Peace Corps. Also as part of our ‘curriculum’ of work, we have goals to fulfill, which in some sites are realistic and in others, are not. I would love to fulfill them here in Mache, if I could get any support and/or interest and with “community partners” that didn’t have to be babysat to see if they follow through with their jobs. If the authorities and the people don’t want it, they don’t want it. It takes so much to raise a finger – especially from the authority side. From the people’s side, it is understandable to some extent, because this is all they know and agricultural work is so draining – to try to organize themselves to do other work, when they have families that are barely getting by is above and beyond at times, conceivable.

Point 3 – living in a rudimentary situation. We get water in the morning for a couple of hours and have to collect it in buckets to be saved for use throughout the day. We have a latrine you have to walk to or slide to or forge a stream to get to… To wash laundry – well my going rate usually is 3-4 hours. And to cook – to try to eat healthy foods (boil water and wash them, or clean them with water treated with bleach) – it just takes forever. Oh to shower – boiling water (takes an hour), then showering from a bucket – time consuming. I showered once with the water – it was not just cold, it was freezing. I’ve been escaping to the health post to shower, since they have one, but I have to make it just barely warm – making it any warmer requires too much electricity and knocks out the power in the area. Being a part homemaker and professional – extremely challenging – extremely hard to have time for myself, for example to go running, and time it just right to avoid the heavy rains in the rainy season (that start after 12 pm or go on all day). I’m probably just taking this job too seriously and need to significantly lower my expectations, if only the expectations on us volunteers in the more rural, rudimentary sites could also be lowered…

Point 4, 5 and 6 – taking time for myself, living at high altitude, rain and the cold, and cyclic sickness

As aforementioned, it’s hard to escape from daily chores and work-work. And with the high altitude, rain and the cold, you have to plan things carefully. The high altitude makes you more tired. It either rains all day for a series of days, or the rains come right after 12, midday, and lasts until 6 pm so you have to plan accordingly. And the cold – strongest obviously when there is no sun – morning and night, indoors overall since rooms just tend to maintain the cold like ice boxes, and immediately when the clouds come rolling in. So among those factors, the ideal hours of practicing healthy habits (running and doing yoga for me) are when house duties and work are expected. I’m trying to lessen the priority I have for work so I can escape to being healthier. I also like to practice good hygiene, but it seems currently I am being limited to one shower a week. If I move to a new house with a shower, I could frequent them more often… I have a cyclical sickness – so many GI issues that I thought I never would have. Basically in many circumstances, I have just lost complete control – will spare the details. Which I have to say is absolutely horrible if you don’t have a shower nearby. Need to go to Lima soon to see a GI specialist.

Point 7. Amongst all these trials and tribulations, I really have no support network where I live. I’m realizing how much I need someone to talk to on a daily basis to release negative sentiments and be able to see things in a more positive light once again. This is not to say I don’t have friends – but when you irregularly run into people during the day, you fall into more superficial conversations, and you can’t spew into more serious subjects. It’s like having to put on a happy face constantly because it’s not the time and place to seriously relay your emotions. However, my happy face has worn off, and when I feel horrible, I have become incapable of sporting the ‘happy face’, which some people haven’t taken so kindly to – I do not have a connection with my host family to be able to comfortably talk to them, and most of the time we just see each other in passing. A lot of this results from my host-mom (well, she’s really not like a mom at all, so I’ll just call her by her name, Juliana). She’s extremely particular, perfunctory, meticulous – hence the most likely reason her husband no longer lives with her, but rather in Trujillo (the capital city of our department, 3 hours away). It’s not to say she’s not a respectable person, she’s just extremely difficult to live with… very stubborn… not a caring, warm person, but rather just very dry and distant. Anyway, to try to integrate into her system is nearly impossible – she’s extremely busy attending to her animals, her 10-year old son, who’s not really her son who she ridiculously babies, and now a newborn – an illegitimate child recently left here by a member of her mother’s family – a whole ‘nother story. Anyway, I’m just kind of this outsider, who literally and figuratively has her room apart – and cooks by herself. I’ve really become distanced which is unfortunate. I finally told her a second time I have to move, which she was a little bit more receptive to this time. I felt horrible the first time, definitely torn up, because I have a lot of respect for her family, and I don’t want her to gain a poor reputation from our most gossip-centralized small town, but I’m learning sometimes to act in my best interest. Really hard.

Anyway, I’m hoping to overcome these most self-deprecating catastrophes… Oh how dramatic! It could be a lot worse, but again, a lot better….

Arequipa & Puno (July 2010)

Traveled to Arequipa and Puno – highly recommend it – more than anything, such a beautiful culture. Each part of Peru harvests different people, VERY different people, with different customs, traditions and languages. Wish there was enough time to spend the night with a Quechua speaking family on one of the islands in Lake Titicaca… nice to have a visitor from the States (Ken!) and share the company of a volunteer who has been converted to a Arequipeña at heart (Emma!)…

Exerting all my efforts (July 13, 2010)

It’s taken getting sick for the umpteenth time, making it to the latrine (sort of – I will spare the details), to realize I need to change my situation. I came to this final decision when cleaning up my bodily fluids with newspaper and bleach and feeling rather ungrounded, yet again, but this time not willing to accept it. I have been treated extremely poorly by many individuals in the Sierra town of where I work – the ‘professionals’ who work in the health post, municipality and schools. For being such an underdeveloped site, we do have these institutions, but rather a superficial representation of them – a most ominously, malformed skeleton of them. These institutions carry professionals brought in from other more developed areas/cities, and the majority of them (I will not say all of them) regard this place as the last place they would like to be in this world. But, because they need work, they need some sort of income, they get sent here, and are always in search of a better placement. So I get stuck working with people with the most pathetic attitude who could care less about the population they are serving. Again, I will not say this for everyone, and this isn’t how they act all the time, but for a good majority, and a good portion of the time, this is the case, and this is the crap I have to put up with.

As far as the functionality of it all… corruption runs rapid in the municipality (the local government). People lie, cheat and steal – and I guess this goes for most politicians. But, it has to be worse here because they can more easily get away with it? Especially when the grand majority of the adults here are uneducated or if educated, only up to the 5th grade of primaria (primary school). The money they do receive from the state, they invert into physical buildings – what is tangible. Obviously these physical devices of infrastructure serve nothing if they are not maintained or are lacking services within them. They utilize this spending to line their pockets (since they can more easily falsely report the cost of construction). For the amount of religious presence here (Catholicism and Evangelism) it’s rather disturbing how much corruption there is. Does a religious presence diminish what would be a little bit more of immorality? Besides the alcalde (mayor), who I definitely have words for, especially for how he treats females, those working in the municipality are in their early 20’s, likely because they can get paid dirt cheap, and probably so the alcalde can get away with more ‘activities’.

As far as school, kids are hardly in school. There are so many days off, fiestas, holidays, vacations, it’s ridiculous. And, when there even is school, teachers are sick, they just don’t show up, their transportation breaks down, etc. Aka, again, if there is a complete school day, hail to the heavens! Because the teachers are brought in from more urban sites (Otuzco – 1.5 hours away, or Trujillo ~3-6 hours away), again, they have little to no interest in staying, so right when the opportunity arises, they vanish. Extracurricular activites? Mmmm not so much. The current alcalde is getting into building schools, which sounds great, especially when kids have to walk over an hour to get to school, not have enough time to return home for lunch before having to go back to school, and they are extremely malnourished (making the extra exercise that much more taxing) – but not when selecting to build a school where only 7 kids can attend (all in different grades), and the teacher that is hired can’t even correctly teach the alphabet.

The health post has the same sort of game going on where all of them are from different places (primarily cities), have never had any experience or desire to work in a rural setting, and are constantly looking for better placement. They live here solo, while their families (spouses, kids, etc.) are in a different part of Perú. They are expected to serve as practitioners for all ailments, from the prostate to the kidneys, to the lungs, to the eyes (let’s keep going), since they are the only ones available. Least to say, there is a high turnover rate, and health professional are coming and going. It’s common for rural volunteers to see the cycle of perhaps 10 doctors in their site during their 2 years of service, and also experience times where there are no doctors so técnicos work as doctors... So far I have crossed paths with 4 doctors and also been here during a dry spell without any doctors. The funding here is so ridiculous also (we are part of the public healthcare system – Ministerio de Salud/Ministry of Health), that we can go months without any funds. How do we function? Good question. You can imagine that the sanitation practices are severely lacking…

We do have NGOs that come through every once in awhile that try to put in their temporary ploy of making the world better. It’s kind of like a whirlwind of an attempt which in this uneducated, slighted, unmotivated society. Typically no real sustainable, noticeable impact is made and accustoms people to expect free food, money, or things when these organizations sweep through, giving them less motivation for creating and working for their own improvement.

Perhaps I will spare you more details of this messed up world I am tangled in… I am definitely going through a low bout, experiencing negativity, cynicism, but am trying to learn how to pull myself out of it. Because that’s the challenge of it all right? Trying to figure out how to work in a place such as this… Constantly finding yourself saying, this isn’t working, so try this, and well, this isn’t working, try this, and this too isn’t working, so try this… and so on.

Ohhh, and in reference to the title, ‘exerting all my efforts’ – I feel like I have, by trying to take so many different approaches, that I am exhausted and rather need to recuperate. I am learning ways to make myself happy – like a volunteer recently said to me, which you hear over and over again, and which I thought was rather selfish before now, is that the most important thing you can do is make yourself happy. Only then can you draw more strength from your energy reserves. As a result, I am trying now not to work so much and take more time for myself. Will let you know how it goes… Still trying to change host families. Surely having a healthier home life will make my outlook much more positive and wholesome? Maybe to go so far as to say idealistic once again?

Learning to say no (June 16, 2010)

This is one of my biggest challenges – saying no – not only to those around me, but also, and most importantly to myself. I have such the bad habit of metiéndome en demasiadas cosas (getting myself involved in too many things). Hopefully the next two years will be the opportunity to acknowledge this and work on it. It’s so hard to control the onslaught of the plethora of ideas that pass through my mind. Especially when they can be so applicable to my surroundings and when there is so much dysfunction as to where I am working...

I haven’t written for some time honestly because I went through a mini-depression, kept myself over-occupied, and had a series of unfortunate events happen, including losing my computer and external hard drive. I never have the two together while visiting the ‘big city’ (the capital city of the department of La Libertad) since robberies are ubiquitous. I always leave my external hard drive back in the Sierra to have all my information and work backed up. But, because the cord to my external hard drive was busted, I had to get it replaced and therefore brought it with me to Trujillo, putting the ‘vice-president with the president’. The worst part is it’s my fault. I took a taxi through a shadier part of Trujillo at night to get to the house where the coordinator of a NGO lives with another volunteer and we had a load of things, personal belongings and materials for charlas (trainings), etc. I was guarding the bag with my computer under my legs because robberies can commonly take place through windows. Disembarking at night with no light in the taxi or street, we thought we grabbed everything, did the double-check, quickly paid the driver, and scurried away, trying not to let him on to where we were going for our safety. But… I left the most important thing that was in my possession – my computer and external hard drive. I thought I had grabbed everything, consciously did the double check, but the bag must have fallen further under the seat, which was hard to notice with the lack of light. After spending a couple of days scoping out the black market, posting radio ads and awards, I had to suck up a huge loss that I had never wanted to fathom.
Part of the work lost was my community diagnostic that I had been working incessantly on for some time.

Reading Into the Wild got me through it and I thought I could change my habit of over-committing myself, but I’m coming to that juncture once again where I need to reassess. It’s really so hard when you have so many interests and the community you work in severely lacks basic water and sanitation practices, health education and promotion, good nutrition (my best guess is ~70% malnutrition in children), youth development/education, artisanry, local business, awareness to the damage pesticides do to the soil and health, and, and…

However, after talking with another volunteer, and hearing the residual epiphany of others – you really have to pick 2-3 projects and stick with them, otherwise you seemingly accomplish nothing in your time. Coming the 24th of this month, I will have been 8 months at my Sierra site of Mache. Again, and again I think I constantly am busy working, but what have I accomplished? And especially, when I lost all this ‘information’ I was so steadily clinging onto –

Humor me (Mayo 28, 2010)

Fulfilling my nighttime routine – going to go fill up a bucket of water (it’s not turbid anymore because it’s no longer the rainy season! Yeah!), bringing it up to my room, heating it up with my little gas stove to fill my water bladder (a rubber bag I received from a Catholic nun that has saved my life), emptying my pee cup (or cut off pop bottle) to again attend to my necessity, putting on my thermal pants, wool turtle neck and socks, and Brian’s Tall and Large (since he’s 6’4”) Columbia Sportswear jacket, inside-out, since the fleece side is on the outside (how much sense does that make?) – not sure when I’ll ever give that back to him – it keeps me so warm! Then, brushing my teeth and washing my face with my tippy-tap (a 2 L bottle hung from the ceiling, upside-down, with the bottom cut-off that I fill with water) and next sometimes fitting in a little bit of yoga if I feel motivated/warm-enough and then climbing under my 8 blankets, including a down-comforter, to cradle my ‘water baby’ (the hot-water bladder). I wonder if I’ll ever miss this routine…

What stimulated the title – so I had been invited over for lunch on a Monday by the ‘Presidente del agua potable’/Drinkable water president (sounds like a big title, but really isn’t) in the neighboring caserío of La Primavera a couple of weeks ago. The president is a quaint man named Jaime, in his late 50’s who I‘ve become buddy-buddy with. I actually couldn’t make it that day, so I scheduled an early Monday morning run to let him know to see if we could postpone. As was to be expected by Sierra folk, he had completely forgotten anyway, so it wasn’t an issue at all to reschedule for the upcoming Thursday. Coming in on Thursday, I arrived, and he reacted as if I caught him with his pants down, because he had totally forgotten. Again to be expected. Slightly irritated, because it’s about a 45 minute walk to get to his house, and in the opposite direction from where I needed to go later on that day, I told him we could have a makeshift lunch (I had brought a sweet-potato, broccoli and carrot salad – something unheard of here). He insisted we ‘reschedule’, but I actually wouldn’t have been able to reschedule for quite some time (had to travel for a training seminar coming up). So we made do with rice, some beans and the salad I had brought. It turned out just fine, although I am looking forward to eating some cuy (guinea pig) hopefully sometime soon…

What if (03/16/2010)

What if I told you you could be doing anything right now, at this point in time, without inhibition. In many ways this is possible in the States – at our finger tips we have a wealth of resources and opportunities. But, for some reason so many are unhappy and get stuck into the rut of pursuing something they realistically don’t desire pursuing. Here, there isn’t a wealth of opportunity. You are most likely born into poverty, and depending on your situation at home, are malnourished and have to walk over an hour to get to school, one-way straight up a mountainside. Your options are taking care of animals (which would be lucky if your family has any) and/or working in the chacra/the fields, growing potatoes. Fortunately, if born in this generation in rural Perú, there are more schools (and depending where you live, access to these schools). There may be the possibility of making it through primary and secondary school, and if available, attend an institute to become a técnico in agropecuaria (a tech in agriculture) or receive training in accounting. I guess receiving a title in either of these two may lead to some opportunities for jobs, but realistically speaking, it most likely would lead to, well, working in the chacra. For accounting, there is the possibility of working in the municipality, but this could be a course, depending on who the mayor is and how fiscally responsible he is… and well, this is kind of looking glim…

Unfortunately, if looking for opportunity, you would have to leave here (rural Perú) to attend a college/university, and that’s if the educational training here was adequate, and for some pure strike of luck – your family has enough financial backing to send you to a more urban area where the real opportunity is, or has a family member already there to host you. And sadly, if you were to pursue a career, such as a health career, usually deemed as a more esteemed pathway in many places (and typically has a rotation in the rural areas when you start out) – be it técnico (perhaps the equivalent of a licensed practical nurse/LPN combined with a pharmacist), an obstetriz (similar to a nurse practitioner, and specializing in maternal care), a nurse, or doctor, you get paid a ridiculously small sum for a monumental amount of work. For example, if working for the public health care system, el Ministerio de Salud/MINSA, a técnico may only get paid about 500-600 soles/month, a nurse or obstetriz 900-1200 soles/month, and a doctor 2000-2400 soles/month. Now divide this by 3 to convert to US dollars. Doesn’t leave much opportunity to excel does it? And many work 7 days a week, from 8am to 8pm. Apart from this, they are on call for emergencies during the night. One example of a week in Mache for the doctor was being called out to emergencies every night in addition to his regular work hours – one night out to the town of Nuevo Paraiso (1.5 hours) for a patient with severe pregnancy pains, the next night for a twin birth, the next night for a guy who tried to commit suicide with pesticides, and the following, for a 1-year-old child with meningitis. Each emergency lasted a good part of the night and at times resulted in having to bring the patient to an urban area 3-6 hours away. But, remember, the next day, he has to be up and ready to work at 8am. The health post personnel do get off 5 days a month… if that counts for anything, to visit their families that typically live in more urban parts. And fortunately, after working for a significant number of years, acquire 15-30 days leave per year…

Health personnel could seek to work for the private sector of ESSALUD, but you have to have connections and money to enter the game. It supposedly is a very corrupt system… However, you could get paid twice as much…

The health post personnel kind of chuckle inside, or really try to fathom what it’s like in the outside world. There is a NGO that recently started coordinating with us, that brings in pre-medical students from the U.S. to get some sort of introspect to what the medical life is here, in a developing/part third-world country (I don’t really think Perú is – parts of it rather). So far, from my experience, a lot of these kids don’t speak Spanish, and they come in with their Western attitude of middle to higher class, to watch, somewhat impatiently, the spectacle of poverty with campo (field/country) folk coming into a building made of real construction materials to receive healthcare. They are dressed very well, with fancy cameras clipped to the outside of their bags, speak English and loudly, laugh and joke and point at the cute old woman bent in half because of severe osteoporosis and just overall malnourishment. I’m being very crude, but it’s a spectacle and the health post personnel have a hard time fathoming the purpose of this entourage. And how these kids could afford to hop on a plane, to come here, and just observe to gain this ‘experience’.

Walking to Vista Alegre (a caserío/ small town) today (up a mountainside – but really the vista/view is alegre/happy), I was accompanied by initially two little girls, later to also be joined by two boys. I have to say I was a bit ecstatic to cross paths with one of the little boys – one of them named Brian Cleyver. ‘Brian’ is pretty cute when said with a Spanish accent. I had met Brian in the past when taking my kids from the classes I offered during their ‘vacation’ on a hike up to the top of the cerro/hill/ridge. We ran into him when at the top, looking for the ‘Pozos de Madre’ – supposedly there are a couple of small holes that are profoundly deep on top of this mountain ridge. Brian, who introduced himself to my previously as Cleyver (having two names can be complicated – depending if there are inconsistencies in what people call you), was traipsing across the chacra, with clothes that had been sewn and resewn and resewn again, and shoes, too large, very well worn with toes fully exposed and with random strings for shoe laces. I could immediately detect his innate curiosity and sincere good spirit. He immediately assisted us in our search for the ‘pozos de madre’. He was impressively knowledgeable about the plant life and scat of different animals we came across. He also aided in the search for an herb for tea – panisara. He ended up making it to one of my classes in the following week, but couldn’t thereafter because of the work he had to complete in the chacra.

I had returned to his home on another occasion while conducting my diagnostic to see what the living conditions were – although I didn’t know he belonged to this particular family. Sadly when entering the ‘kitchen’, there was a cat warming itself, on top of the burning leña/wood stove, and two of their five to seven dogs, were drinking from the same baldes/buckets that the kids were also drinking from (as an aside, when doing my diagnostic, and asking about health problems, his dad responded that he has problems with his nerves, in his left arm and leg and pain in the lower part of his head; I observed some gnarly scars and asked him what he thought the cause was… he responded that he had been struck by lightning 2 years ago! Makes sense since he lives right on top of a cerro/mountain. And he definitely looks like something struck him…).

In my walk to Vista Alegre, I conversed with the four kids and found it really delightful, I was especially excited since I was starting to better understand young kids – a difficult Spanish to understand (of youth and those that live in the campo). Brian was asking me how I arrived here from my country (by what means of transportation), and speaking of an airplane to go from the States to Lima, a bus from Lima to Trujillo, and then a micro (smaller version of a bus) from Trujillo to Mache, and here I was walking from Mache to Vista Alegre – something very mystical to him. He wanted to know what other countries were ‘up there’ by the United States. I had brought an umbrella that had been sent from the States and he was absolutely intrigued by it, how it worked (differently from the umbrellas that you could buy in a bigger town near by), and I took a picture of him. He, of course, then, wanted to learn how to take pictures. When we got to where I was hosting a town meeting that day, I taught him, and he made a spectacle for the next hour, taking about 60 pictures, while we were waiting for those from Vista Alegre to arrive (I am working on punctuality – would be helpful if people had watches). I’m thinking of bringing a whistle with me and blowing it as I’m rising to Vista Alegre to let people know it’s meeting time. I’m hoping we can get financial support to install some sort of bell to advise the ‘town’ it’s time for a meeting.

After having a rather successful meeting with the health promoter, touching on ‘caca-a-boca’/poop-to-mouth diseases, personal hygiene, and hygiene of the house and public places, I listened to music while descending the mountain to return to Mache and came onto a sound-bite/ people talking as part of an intro to a song in my music player, about what people wished they would have focused on more before passing/dying.

Some people went around interviewing dying patients, and not one person said they regretted not making more money or working harder – they all seemed to say their regrets were not spending more time with the people they love and not traveling more and relating more to the world and to the planet.

How liberating would it to be doing what you want to be doing, to pursue what drives and speaks to you?

Following a herd of sheep and a hot shower (02/09/2010)

Working here provokes a love hate relationship – there are days that are fantastic, where you are floating on cloud 9 and your outlook is gleaming, bright, and positive, and days where you want to dive off the deep end and disappear into the nebulous and retreat into your comfort zone. It’s hard to weigh in as to whether people really appreciate you, things, and interactions – here. I feel like some days I’m making an impact, making valuable connections and that it’s well, worthwhile, for me to be here. And other days, I feel like why do I even bother? I feel like everyone around me could care less, that I am not wanted here and am just wasting time. It’s like showing up to the health post, the municipality, or hosting a meeting in a community and they barely acknowledge you’re there. You start a conversation, and their attention is easily diverted, they give you the head turn, and away they go. In the meeting, they show up, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 50 minutes late, or not at all. And then they just sit there and stare, some bicker about the topic at hand, and then they go back and forth, not really deciding anything. Some kind of just sit there and laugh at the spectacle, or some just blankly stare, absent, with vacant on-looking eyes. However, then there can be a complete, or close to a complete, success, where there’s a meeting with health promoters that you have worked so hard to recruit from all your caseríos. We had 29 health promoters and mother leaders show up to training for this month’s theme – la gripe y infecciones respiratorias agudas (IRAs)/ the flu and respiratory infections. Así es.

As far as medical attention goes… it’s been a challenge to observe. Once coming into the health post, I witnessed a 7-year-old girl, with third-degree burns from cooking oil. Sitting naked on the exam table with a surrounding gawking audience of the health post personnel, she was bent over crying in agony, with loose flabs of skin hanging from her hip and several other boiled circles of skin on her stomach and legs. She was just sitting there crying with a lamp spotlight on her nudity and pain, and her audience scolding her callously for her crying. God just let her cry and give her some relief! I was on my way into the country side to visit some families in the neighboring caserío of Olaya, and I could do nothing for this girl.

Later that night, after coming back from Olaya, I ran into her and her mother shortly after they were departing from the health post. I was at least able to converse with her mother, perhaps consoling her to some extent, and comfort the little girl, giving her a bit of smile, and a most gentle embrace (avoiding the burns). After they headed off, I was en route to fulfill a guilty pleasure of a shower (thanks to the health post), where I could receive my therapy – to retreat from the world, be warm, and think – my means of putting myself back together.

Don’t let the bed bugs bite (02/06/2010)

So I had this conversation with Megan, where do you draw the line if you keep a blog – how much can you express without it becoming too personal, but then at the same time, express the experiences of a real person? Hmmm, that’s an interesting question… and also if you are ‘representing’ an entity, like the Peace Corps, how truthful can you be? I always like to be honest, straight-forward, forthright. Cut the crap and lay it out because then you can communicate most effectively, most efficiently, and I think, well for the most part, people appreciate your directness. If you have well-developed opinions and are honest about them, then shouldn’t they be appreciated?

It’s so hard living and working in a different culture when you can’t quite express the rapid fluidity of your thoughts, which is even difficult in your own native tongue. I can’t wait until the day I can tell off the alcalde, but in the most well-composed, professional way possible. Ha, that will be the day. At least while I’m doing my diagnostic with families, I have gained the ability to help them to relax by joking with them. Picking up on the campo language and playing with it, that makes a better day.

So when does this really turn into a diary or an account of events? Megan decided she didn’t want to keep a blog for fear of dispelling too much personal information. I’m thinking I’m just going to cut my losses.

A couple of honest accounts. My body is covered, I mean covered, with small bites coming from my bed. My fingers and toes are fat, my chest itches, waist, every place possible. So far I’m just dealing, but I need to drive out whatever bugs are infesting my bed. Oh, and I figured an abnormal GI tract was to come, with the adjustment period in a new place. But no, it’s continuing, and to the point I’ve pooped or ‘soiled’ my pants 3 times now. I never thought I would deal with this as an adult, thought that I could have complete control, but oh, as the horrible cliché says, never say never. Never should be eliminated from use in many contexts. I need to figure out what is plaguing my system, probably what plagues everyone’s system here. I can’t escape it. During training, they guaranteed everyone would suffer from diarrhea, and that a good majority would poop their pants at some point during their service. I’m putting the effort forward, practicing good hygienic practices – boiling the water, chlorinating the water, but I also need a water filter, since the water can get so turbid here when it rains. Clay water filters were only conveniently provided to water and sanitation volunteers, who have the water and sanitation training. Ironic. I mean I have some, but not to the extent they received. Poco a poco/little by little, I’m making small strides and learning the hard way. In a way, I guess you have to start with yourself – making your own self-improvements and having your lessons before moving outward. Understanding how other people live, truly, before being at all able, to perhaps, improve some aspects of their lives. Recently we came across a boy, 7-8 years old?, with half a fist full of worms in his liver, oh joy.

Como Gitana (02-03-2010)

After conversing with a friend who used to work on the carreterra/roadway (he no longer does, since he hasn’t received pay for over 2 months – asi es en el Perú/that’s how it is here in Peru), we decided that we are both gitanos, traveling from one place to the next. He was feeling a bit lonely, but that’s how the wandering life leads, sometimes you are surrounded by a plethora of people, and other times, very alone. But, you learn to enjoy, to love your alone time, and find it utmost productive, to regain your strength, and do the activities that you find fulfilling and most enlightening. I’ve learned to love my alone time, and can see a clear balance between knowing when alone time is needed and when socializing is necessary (too much alone time can also drive you crazy). Sometimes I definitely need to be in the company of others to gain perspective and not be so self-consumed in my own preoccupations and patterns of thinking.

If it makes you happy… (01/31/2010)

Some people just make you happy, just bring you pure bliss. And you can recognize this, when you meet them, there’s a natural connection, and it’s as if your kindred spirits just immediately become intertwined, like two dangling pieces of string. And you should just let it happen, not question it, and let it make you happy. I think American culture projects a lot of deprivation, a lot of self-denial, as if you didn’t deserve happiness, or you should always be looking for something more, something higher. I am learning the importance of appreciating every step of the way and that perhaps I don’t have to have such an ascetic attitude, even if I am in the Peace Corps.

I think one of the hardest aspects of life is focusing on the positive rather than the negative. It is so easy to dwell on the parts of life that aren’t playing out smoothly (which is usually out of your control anyway). So why not brood over what is going right? Why not be absolved with what is going beautifully? I have a terrible habit of focusing on what I perceive as my in competencies or my weaknesses. I need to let this go and be happy with what I have and appreciate what positive characteristics I can exude. On that note too, stepping back and enjoying life’s simple pleasures and not feeling guilty about it. It’s okay to occasionally dance, enjoy some music, eat something rich, buy something you desire, adorn your bedroom with something simple so you have comfortable surroundings … every once in awhile…

And with interactions with other people – it’s hard to decide. Should you just let go of those that constantly drain you? That constantly see things with a negative clarity and always see the glass half empty? I feel like you should always give them an opportunity, to try to show them the light, but make sure your light is burning strong enough so you don’t lose your light in the process. Perhaps make sure you are always still in touch with those that are also burning bright, your closest and dearest friends, that are also attempting to do the same. And constantly remind yourself of the following because it makes life so much more enjoyable.
There will always be some who will complain about what they get,
And others that will always be thankful,
Be the latter.

Dusk (01/26/2010)

I have to say, one of the most beautiful – one of the most impressive – times of day here are at dusk. Around 5 to 6 pm, an orange haze settles in, with the mystique of rising clouds through the valleys. In the early afternoon, usually following the rain, thick fog creeps in, to the point, at times, where you can’t see more than 15 feet in front of you. And with the incoming dusk, the fog lets up, and you can start to once again see the peaks of the mountains and be surrounded by this curious orange light. My first evening here I was absolutely intrigued and I continue to be intrigued every ensuing evening.
Another beautiful part of my surroundings is the garden Juliana has in our courtyard, filled with some flowers, in particular, some roses, hydrangeas, and lilies, and herbs. I have so much to learn – I’ve always wanted to learn more about different plants and any medicinal properties they might have. I recently connected with a ND/MD who is doing research out of Cusco. She’s trekking into some of the jungles to work with the aboriginal people to record medicinal plant use. I really hope to pay a visit, down south, soon in the future. Back to the garden – we also have a secret garden :) I love it. Exiting from a side door of the room found below mine, and walking down a sort of grassed ‘alley’, you can enter through another secret door entry way, behind our home, into a bit of a sanctuary. Protected by some eucalyptus trees, there’s a bit of a grass plain bordered with wild and planted flowers, and it’s beautiful. I’ve retreated here a couple times now to read, when the sun was shining bright, and to doze off in the sun’s warmth – my photosynthesis.
I recently received feedback from another volunteer who is about a few hours away about flaws in my character – a double-edged sword – good feedback to receive, but something that can be hurtful. She feels I am too stringent about my schedule (which I ironically wrote about recently) and feels this imposes on others, can lead to their under appreciation, and a projected over self-confidence. I sincerely appreciate frankness, feel sad she feels this away, perhaps along with others, and obviously have important components of character to work on.

Furious (01/22/2010)

Okay, I’m calmed down now, sort of, but I wasn’t beforehand. Perhaps the aspect I might be working on most here may not be so much salud/health, but just communication. Pure communication. It’s ironic because I was told by my brother, Derek, yesterday, that what I expected to accomplish here may not at all be what is actualized. I get so caught up with what I’m doing, allowing my emotions to intertwine with my work drive, that when what is at hand blows up in my face, my persona is also exploding. I’m not sure how much this is perceived from my exterior – I really wonder how much others perceive I am fuming or overwhelmed with despair.
I am sick of authority figures playing their cards of control and not leaking any of their motives to their citizens. They act as if they are doing a favor to their ciudadanos/citizens when their ciudadanos show up at the municipality (for example) to ask for support. The personnel from the municipality take their sweet time to attend to them and do it with a superior complex. No, it shouldn’t be that way. They should willingly serve them because that is their job. They are not there to reign and carry out what’s solely on their agendas, but rather, act on the behalf of their people, as representatives of their people, including them in the decisions they choose to carry out. Crazy, I know. But, I guess how many political figures actually do that? Good question. So sad.
I thought by working on a smaller level, with a smaller populace, and direct access to the municipality, communication would be a little bit better. Wrong. It still struggles, to be modest in speech. A simple attempt for coordination was asking support for the Vacaciones Útiles I am heading up (classes for kids during their winter break). It’s taking them weeks to get back to me. I have to beg and plead for something that’s good (well, at least what I think and many others think is good) for the kids of these caseríos. I wish the municipality could just give me a straight up answer – yes or no as to whether they want to support this effort. Simple. Instead, I have to wait weeks before they even look at the solicitude I personally submitted, and then have them tell me, almost half-way into teaching, that they want another list, a reduced list, of the materials I absolutely need. Ah no. What I submitted is what I need, and it’s their manner of waving me off again. If they don’t want to provide any support, okay, well, then I can’t purchase all the materials I would like to have. I’ll make do. But, please, just give a direct response. I’m done with passivity, the brush away with the hand. I am providing these classes for free and purchasing the materials currently and previously used on my behalf. And time and time again, I’m told I’m crazy, for being a volunteer, and providing free services – perhaps their not as valued as much?
And then, I’m asked by a regidora why don’t I charge the kids for the classes? Really? That’s an interesting question. I hoped she could answer that one for herself. A good fraction of the population can’t afford sufficient clothing and nutritious food, so how are they going to willingly give money for classes? It’s hard enough for some kids just to attend the classes since they are expected to attend to the animals, the chakra, and many live more than an hour way, up a mountain. There are some who are so separated from the people they are ‘representing’. I didn’t want the classes to cost anything because I didn’t want these classes to be exclusive to only those who could afford them.
Okay, so the alcalde still just shoves my list to the side of the desk while I overhear that cocinas mejoradas/improved kitchens, latrines, and biohuertos/vegetable gardens are being brought to the communities of Mache by an organization called Sembrando-great news! I know it is a program through a NGO that I had just begun starting to coordinate with, but they’re telling me it’s through the government. Anyway, I have to overhear this, from the other room, instead of them directly telling me this is going to happen. And they know these are some of my primary objectives for being here. It would help if they could communicate and coordinate this. Whenever I try to talk about work topics, or projects, the alcalde provides a very indirect response (like a flutter-of-a-hand response) and responds with stupid, disrespectful questions, like if my hair is naturally curly, if I have a boyfriend, how to pronounce a word in English… I humor him, respond to whatever question or comment with a laugh, converse about whatever unimportant topic for a moment, and then, try to return to my purpose of being there. And he’s still not receptive, puts me off, later, later, tomorrow, tomorrow, next week, next week. How does he get any work done, I don’t know. And, you know, it’s only kind of important that the health post is aware of the installation of these oh so crucial aspects of home life – improved kitchens, latrines, vegetable gardens – and I end up being the one to relay the message. Communication sucks. Separate identities/organizations carry on with whatever their doing without any coordination. How convenient.
Oh and then back to the list of supplies, finally, the alcalde pulls it up, after I was rather frank with him, to let him know that I wanted to know before this weekend, since I was returning to the civilization of Trujillo, and I could buy the materials there, and he proceeds to look at each item, and make a check next to an item, saying, “Supongo puedo comprar esto” – I suppose I could buy this (since he too, is going to Trujillo). But, really, I already bought a few of those things, and I need financial support, and the things I haven’t bought, he wouldn’t know how to buy because he doesn’t know what the specific projects call for. And, most likely, he won´t have or make time to personally buy those items when he is in Trujillo. So in the end, I convey this to him, and then he ends up giving a ¼ of what I asked for. And then, as if it’s a service, oh and give half of that to your friend in Lluin (Megan, the other health volunteer, about an hour away, who is also teaching and asking for support to buy materials). How indirect could he be. I appreciate frankness – just honesty – open communication, please.
Not sure how much I am negatively portrayed now in the municipality. I can’t stand fake smiling and sucking up to someone who clearly isn’t interested in what his job description entails.

The sensitivity of life (01/14/2010)

I am at a loss, with how so many lives could be taken away – and in the immediacy they can be taken – with the shifting of plates, manifesting in unaccountable destruction. And, the irony, of how more tragedy can strike already the most vulnerable and suffering. A journalist (Rocio Silva Santisteban) in Trujillo reemphasized the cliché of how conditions can always get worse – “es nuestro premio consuelo cada vez que nos encontramos en el penúltimo lugar de alguna citación terrible: ellos siempre estarán peor.” You think things couldn’t get worse, shouldn’t get worse, that plaguing a people couldn’t possibly happen even more, but that unfortunately isn’t the case. And to those who were working toward the betterment of those circumstances – also being lost in this earthquake. My prayers, thoughts, and efforts in the work I am pursuing are dedicated to those lost on both sides – some names of individuals: Molly Hightower, who was working with Nuestros Pequeños Hermanos, and Brenden Beck, working with USAID.

My time (01/13/10)

I find I am very selfish with my time, and this stems from my over-zealous efforts to accomplish my monumental task lists. I am idealistic with my to-do list, always pouring out onto my list what would make me happy if I were to complete all these tasks. This disallows flexibility – taking what the day sometimes delivers as surprises and going with it. This also disallows patience, patience with others and myself. Time frames are good to some extent, to increase efficiency and productivity, but you have to allow for malfunctions – the unexpected. So, changing my attitude to accomplish a couple of priorities, perhaps 1-2 for the morning and then 1-2 for the afternoon, and seeing what falls into place next, may be best. And perhaps, making a ‘to do’ list, and seeing where each item can fall into place over the week, the next couple of weeks, month, or longer, depending on the circumstances placed upon by me and my environment may also be best. I am especially noticing with Peruvian culture you have to be that way, the Peruvian hour can get you if you let it. Or, you can take advantage of the time you are waiting, and see where a conversation goes with other companions, who, are also waiting, and achieve a whole other goal, an unexpected goal. The best in life can come unplanned.

I could not imagine having kids at this point in time because like I said, I am selfish with my time. I love being in the company of others, but I also absolutely love being alone. I love the freedom to sit in a garden eating a mango, soaking up some sun (my photosynthesis), and contemplating what comes to mind – working out some preoccupations, philosophical concepts, or letting my mind go afloat to what nature suggests. I love doing my yoga, drinking my tea, pursuing any art projects, if I can ever allocate time to do them. One difficult aspect of making friends here is that the majority of females my age already have 1, 2, 3… kids. Many settle with their first relationship, their first love, and haven’t had time to develop themselves before investing in a relationship – perhaps due to lack of education, the culture, and/or the freedom to express oneself and be independent, especially for women. People are so timid (of course this is a generalization of my perception thus far) and passive. I have the hardest time with this – I prefer honesty, above all. I don’t see a point to hiding true perceptions and feelings, unless they are extremely radical and would harm others, and therefore need revision/second thoughts.

Passivity and lack of expression is a form of suppression and prevention from living freely with enjoyment. It could be the hand of low levels of education playing here. Those who haven’t received secondary level and/or university/professional level degrees could be assuming they are powerless, incompetent, and incapable. When giving charlas, hosting meetings with different communities, or teaching classes – there’s a refractory time period until there is participation/any commentary from those present. You have to continually question and persist in having a dialogue because the audience is used to being talked at and being told what to do. They have to realize their thoughts are viable and worthwhile expressing, that they can engage in a movement to address the poor conditions they face. Unfortunately, male and woman roles are so bipolar. Men dominate and women have to be submissive to their upper hand. This isn’t the case for all, hence my host-mom being single, raising her son, conducting her business, attending to her animals, pasture, and a plethora of other tasks alone, but this is a most prevalent phenomenon amongst many. Abuse between pairs, also passed down to kids has a strong force here in the Sierra. With too many pressures of poverty, the youth of couples, lack of education, and the stereotypical roles men and women should take on – this fuels the fire. But, I think, I know it’s changing, it just takes time and effort.

Ironically, I feel those that are freest to express themselves are admired most and accomplish most in life. At first they are criticized, perhaps out of jealousy and/or because their ideas are most out-landish and… true. But, through perseverance and belief in one’s ability, are they able to manifest the connectivity of their ideas and how they make sense. If successful musicians and artists were to cordially subdue their stylistics to convention, they could never produce unique, impressive music.

I’m finding my identity and cultural roots, even though I thought American culture was such a hodge podge, and didn’t have a true, unique identity. By being in a completely different cultural context, I am recognizing how culturally different I am and how I do have my own cultural identity. Even in Peru, there are a plethora of cultures; erroneously, from the exterior, it seems there´s a more synonymous Peruvian culture. The people change between rural and urban communities, different altitudes, climates, departments – just straight up different locations – just like in the States. I am recognizing everywhere, the culture changes from one locality to another, even in smaller countries. I used to think how nice it would be to be from a distinct culture such as Peru, India, Thailand, etc., but that is a drastic misperception – you can be from a country, but that may have little to do with where you are really from, and who you really are. I was always afraid to say I was American because I was afraid to by typed, because the States are so different from one another, but this seems to hold true for every country. No one deserves to be typed and should be looked at for his/her individuality.

Pealing back the layers (12/26/09)

So a recent night, a few nights ago- it had a nice kick to it, or rather a strange kick to it…

We were to have a last hooray for the medical personnel of CLASS (Comité Local de los Servicios de Salud) Agallpampa - this is inclusive to the health post of our area, Mache. After the beginning of 2010, CLASS Agallpampa will become decentralized with the division into 4 new CLASSes (one in Mache where I live, and one in Carabamba, Agallpampa, and Salpo). Simply put, this signifies the medical management of the different posts will become more localized. Anyway, all the health post personnel gathered at this Christmas party in Agallpampa. However, we were late, because of a few medical emergencies, including a birth scare and an elderly woman running a high fever of 40oC. When she first came in, well, was carried in, she couldn’t speak, couldn’t move – nothing – she was just barely physically present. The nurse gave her a shot of… can’t remember what it was, and slowly, bit by bit, she started gaining her consciousness and movement back. It was rather incredible. Our health post was running late for this social engagement, so we climbed into the back of our ‘ambulance’ (a truck with a covered bed) to lower down to Agallpampa. We also were taking the elderly woman back home with her worried son and daughter-in-law, preferring that she stay at the health post to be monitored – although, the health personnel had decided to leave. She was hoisted into the back of the ambulance to lie on a mattress that’s always kept there, and really had no means to stabilize herself on the bumpy ride. She was rather filthy – her clothes, skin, and hair, and sadly, the first human response was to not want to touch her. But, ignoring this, I took her head in my lap, providing her some stability so she wouldn’t bounce around so much. Stroking her head, I could feel her fragility and uneven breathing. I felt a real comfort holding her in my lap and was hoping she would be able to recuperate. Dropping her off, an older man raised her onto his back to carry her home into the cold.

Being brought to this party, I had no idea what I was getting myself into – hmmm, sounds familiar. It really was awkward at the beginning. We just sat around these tables at the perimeter of the room, with a couple of cooked turkeys just sitting there, and we waited for other health post personnel, also late, because of some health emergencies they were also attending to. They ended up arriving around 11pm and we finally ‘started’ the party – they don’t start until everyone is there. We started with Secret Santa gifts – each of us were assigned a person (and a lot of us didn’t know each other), and one by one, there were over 70 of us, we had to announce and give our gifts. This took forever and again, was just awkward. We finally were served a little bit of turkey, Panetone (oh my gosh, I am so sick of Panetone), and sweetened hot chocolate for dinner. This was proceeded by another small gift that was given by CLASS Agallpampa to the health personnel – each person was listed, one by one, to receive this gift, even though it was the same gift bag. Ah, tedious. Coming into about 1:30, 2 am in the morning, Megan and I left to crash at another volunteer’s place (Pablo), who, thank goodness, lives in Agallpampa. Waking at 6 am, we returned to the ‘party’ to find that our ambulance driver was intoxicated and unable to drive, and was drinking with a few of the doctors. The health personnel of Mache (a couple of obstetrices and a nurse had crashed in the back of the ambulance). Megan and I said screw it, and we just started dancing with those left at the party. Finally, at 8:30-9 am, we were able to leave and ascend back up to Mache. What a party.

Buenas noches señorita, que tu sueñes con los angelitos (12/21/09)

Today was a very rewarding day, besides the notion of returning from Trujillo at 4 o’clock in the morning and only receiving one hour of sleep. At the spur of the moment, or rather, finally giving in, I went into Trujillo for the night to run some errands, withdraw desperately needed funds, and pay back our coordinator of La Libertad, who spotted me a chunk of soles to pay for the materials to lay concrete on my floor, or which will hopefully become my floor soon. I was accompanied by some carreterra/road workers, a couple of engineers, and to both to our surprise, another volunteer, the closest to myself, who is living in Lluin, Megan. It was a ridiculous, funny ensemble running around making purchases in urbanization, being accompanied by these engineers. The hilarity of circumstances I’ve been in doesn’t cease to surprise me. Only in Peru I guess. I feel like that just tends to be the case while traveling. Making it back up to the Sierra in the wee hours of the morning was a feat, as always, in the rainy season, getting stuck in the muckiest barro, jumping up and down on one side of the bed of a pickup to get uncaught in the other side… Nonetheless, I survived to attend a meeting of the mother leaders of Juntos, a program put in place by the government to provide aid to extremely poor mother and address the factors usually accompanying poverty (malnutrition, multiple unwanted pregnancies, easily treatable disease, etc.). Mothers are eligible to join Programa Juntos if they make, I believe, 150 soles or less a month (aka nothing), with kids, without a neighborhood store, etc.; they receive a monthly sum of 100 soles if they meet these criterium, attend monthly charlas, and are attended to by the health post on a monthly basis. Anyway, making it to this meeting, you could feel the empowerment that was taking place – education is so revolutionary. After this, and resting for 1 hour, I trekked down to a caserío called Leoncio Prado, down a valley and slightly up onto another mountainside, into the Salpo district. There I coordinated with an already established health promoter of the community, also serving as the teniente gobernador, to meet his community. Like the meeting I had in Olaya (another caserío), it went beautifully with the exchange that occurred. There was a drastic difference with the direction of the conversation. Olaya lacks any functioning latrines or improved kitchens, whereas Leoncio Prado, a very impoverished community, has established a latrine and improved kitchen in every home, thanks to the support of a NGO called Sembrando. Starting in June/July 2009, they already have made their mark in this community and capacitated those of Leoncio Prado with functional knowledge. People here are intelligible and they just needed to be afforded the opportunity of an education, like anywhere else in the world. Education drastically transforms communities, and it will definitely intrigue me to see the progress in the next two years, because there will be significant progress, I can feel it and I am working toward it.

Anyway, the direction of the conversation in Leoncio Prado in comparison to Olaya – instead of focusing on the basic necessities of improved kitchens and latrines – was centered around raising cuyes/guinea pigs and the production of their own gas, methane gas, from sources such as composting, lombriculturas, and biodigestors in general. It will be somewhat a feat to work across the caseríos and curtail charlas to meet their necessities when there are so many caseríos to coordinate with, but with the establishment of health promoters in each caserío, it’s possible. They are competent and willing to work and plant a seed toward progression. This makes me so excited.

I have shared so many valuable conversations already, and to gage the impact all these conversations will have on others and myself is enlightening. I thrive from sharing accordance in humanitarian efforts. There really are so many beautifully intrinsic people.

Afterward, I popped into the municipality and the scenery completely changed. Promoting active participation on behalf of the municipality is my goal – for them to see themselves as a source, or perhaps, the most prevailing source of social services. They should be providing infrastructure such as water systems, resources for individuals to improve their living circumstances, etc. I want active participation and coordination between all involved parties, such as the municipality, health post, NGO’s, religious institutions, and organizations in effect, so that optimal progress can be realized. I feel that each takes its own path and if there were more coordination, greater efficiency could and would take place. Hopefully I can temporarily serve as the intermediary between these identities and encourage others to take this front of collaboration.

We had a chocolatada following a novena (the novenas takes place every night at 8pm from the 15th of December until Christmas in Mache and also in many other communities). The novenas or posadas are hosted in different nooks of the community and serve as a gathering consisting of singing Christmas songs and discussing biblical passages. The chocolatada, more curtailed to kids, but inclusive to adults, is basically when hot chocolate is served, accompanied by a chunk of Panetone. I think after being here, I will never look at Panetone the same way – it is so popular/omnipresent here during Christmas. Anyway, the gathering was beautiful, which I think is normally the case for community gatherings.

I am excited my family was receptive to me throwing in some artichokes onto the dinner plate. Again, I neglected to really consider my host mom’s lack of molars, but she seemed to manage just fine. It’s deceiving because she does have her front teeth and she doesn’t really smile big, so you can’t tell she’s missing her molars. My brother actually enjoyed a vegetable which is such a challenge. We now have the nightly tradition of brushing our teeth together (he wouldn’t brush his teeth at night beforehand), and now, I am starting to incorporate flossing. It’s difficult teaching a kid to floss, but there will be a learning curve. I am wondering if my host mom just gave up on brushing her teeth altogether, I will need to figure that out…

It’s heart warming when people are receptive to you when you are from a different culture. And when you are preparing to go to bed, your host brother gives you a kiss on the cheek and tells you to dream with the angels. I have been blessed and will continue to keep my chin up and looking forward.

I am ridiculous (12/17/09)

So perhaps I haven’t lost my charm, if you want to call it that… Fortunately, I can con, or more positively put, “convince”, others in to helping, such as receiving support to transport materials. As cement layers were being laid for my bedroom floor, we fell short of arena gruesa (thick sand), an important constituent for leveling. In my frantic search to find more arena gruesa and a way to transport it, I came across some construction workers who came to my rescue after finding me distraught.

Mache currently is in an interesting disposition as a Sierra town since there are a significant number of construction workers and engineers contracted to construct a paved road. From the lower lying valley, they are attempting to connect these upper lying Sierra towns via a more established roadway. However, construction is nearly impossible now with the rainy season. Making headway with the roads is quickly reverted by Mother Nature – the torrential downpours destroy the pathways for the roads, forming ravines and thick mud, and causing landslides. So, now, efforts have been diverted to constructing some bridges until the rainy season lets up, perhaps in March? April? I have never witnessed so much barro/ mud. Boots are crucial. I have already made a fool of myself, which will come in various forms – guaranteed. I face planted after slipping in mud while climbing down a hillside and tangling my foot in some reeds. This happened while casually passing by a biohuerto (house garden) and deciding to stop and question the family about what they were planting, intending to see if they had vegetables (which they did not). I think I left a memorable impression…

Back to the ‘I am ridiculous bit’, or continuing with it – I really have been throwing myself out there. I have a hard time understanding Sierra Spanish, and especially the Spanish of adults that have up to a primary school education. I have a much easier time communicating with those that have a higher level of education. It will take some skill to develop the vocabulary and ways of expression used by those here in the rural areas. Instead of keeping silent when I don’t know the vocabulary I want to express, I just throw myself out there and try to finagle some words together to convey what I would like to express. I typically receive head-nods, smiles, and searching eyes, but am hoping for more dialogue in the future, especially if directing a meeting. I really wonder how much I communicate is understood and vice versa. I continually make a fool of myself, but in good humor, and therefore am hoping I am being well-received in one way or another.

With the cement bit, I ended up misunderstanding the urgency of the situation – or rather the concept of how much was needed and how it needed to be transported. I went above and beyond – I found the materials, which could have been transported by wheel barrow, although through much labor with many loads and a long distance to be traversed (it’s amazing what men smaller than me can carry and for what distance, unbelievable). Anyway, I convinced some construction workers to help me load their truck, bring it to where I am staying, and help unload. This request normally would have cost at least 50 soles, which I do not have, and it wouldn’t have been a request met if made by a local Peruvian. I guess it is nice to be a gringa (female and white) at times, but I felt ridiculous nonetheless, because I had no idea what I was doing, what I was requesting, and what the outcome was going to be. Hmmm, maybe that’s like everything I am doing. I just have to time and time again throw myself out there in good spirit and good intentions and hope for the best outcome… such as the vacaciones útiles I am trying to organize for the kids that will be around in the area during their 2 months off. I am trying to organize some classes/youth groups in order to interact with the youth, mixed in with all the more ‘adult’ activities I have been involved with. I have to keep in mind how much change can occur by working with youth, and how they can keep your outlook or perspective seemingly bright.

Amidst a plethora of meetings I had today, my host mom, Juliana, was apparently preparing a dinner for over 150 people – parents and family members of kindergarteners graduating from jardín/kindergarten. This extravagant ceremony was to include my little brother, Jean Carlos, who was serving as a pareja/companion of a girl who was graduating. Anyway, Juliana is a work horse, I mean, my gosh, rising around 4 or 5 in the morning to do hard, laborious work ALL day, and setting herself to sleep around 10 pm to midnight. She frantically was putting this dinner together with a couple of others, and I ended up scrambling to help serve all these people in the back corner of a building from the dirt floor. I am still learning her mannerisms, because at one point, it definitely seemed like she was yelling at me and was extremely impatient. After hurriedly and stressfully serving, worrying we wouldn’t have enough ¼ to ½ chickens to serve, or the rest of the chicken wouldn’t come in time, we finally finished, with hands greased and backs strained from bending over the dirt floor. We finally let up, and feasted on food left over – just enough to feed us. Juliana and I had a moment where we kicked back a coca cola (making an exception to my aversion to drinking pop), danced in the back freely and listened to the music playing for the eloquently dressed, dancing kids. Juliana and I have a hard time communicating in many ways, but I definitely appreciate letting loose and relish the times when someone who is so tight, hard, and focused can let loose. I petered out from the festive entourage around midnight – they continued until 3/4/5 in the morning – and came home to listen to recommended music by Jamiroquai and write. I look down at my tea cup, with 4 bugs at the bottom, 2 empty muffin papers (I still was pretty hungry to the point of taking them from Juliana’s store – will reimburse her tomorrow…), and think I have a long ways to go, but I can appreciate moments like these.

This is why I am here (12/03/09)

I just climbed a mountain overlooking my town of Mache and surrounding caseríos – I am taking advantage of the morning sun and the warmth that it elicits to see the view of where I will be working for the next 2 years. It’s a beautiful challenge I am finally embarking on – I felt ready for this during training. From the top of the cerro/mountain, I can grasp the size and topography of the campo/countryside. I think I will retreat up to here when I need to gain perspective.

After talking to my new host-mom (Juliana) and her visiting sister, Betti, in town to pursue her negocios/business, I decided to follow Betti home to the chakra with her burro/mule, weighed down with this week’s goods. About a 40-minute walk outside of ‘downtown’ Mache, we climbed, passing by a newly arrived family’s home of a tarp, supported by bushelled paja/straw. This family of four with a daughter and son, is starting to make their living in the chakra. Approaching Betti’s home, she defended me from her 5 dogs – her ‘protection’. For some reason, I can’t escape packs of overly aggressive dogs. I talked to one volunteer in the south, and he expressed his satisfaction from getting a good square kick to a dog’s face while on a run, hmmm… need to build up my defenses. After strategically finding our footing through the barro/mud and the animal dung of her livestock, we were joined by her husband, also in his 60s/70s, with poor vision and a lame hand. After the polite normalities of open conversation, we ventured into her kitchen (my prime motive for coming) to see her cooking conditions, since she had previously referenced the smoke. Sure enough, in the low-ceilinged kitchen (I had to duck to be inside), the walls were pure black. She has a ‘stove’ of leña/wood (wood-fired stove) with no chimney and hardly any ventilation. Besides already being aware of Juliana’s (my host-mom) cooking conditions when she frequently uses her stove of leña (she also has a gas stove, which is more expensive to use), I now am aware of the cocina mejorada project no. 2 I would like to actualize – with many more to come, I am sure. This is why I am here.

I think most people are aware of or can detect the health hazards of their practices, but this is what they know, this is their custom. A significant portion of the population (not sure what percentage), have only received up to primary school level education – learning to communicate effectively to this group of individuals and comprehend what is being said will be crucial for the ensuing years.

At site… in Mache! (27/11/09)

Third day here in Mache, and my hands are slow to type because of the cold. I will adjust, I will acclimate, “acostumbrarme”- I actually had to look up the English translation because I couldn’t think of it;) I wonder with the more advanced I become in Spanish (which I am hoping will be the case), the more I will regress in my English... hmmm. So third day here, and I met with a couple of albanils-carpenters to receive an estimate to cover the dirt floor of my room with wood or concrete, escaped to go for a run for the first time in about a week, and let me tell you, it’s a challenge at the high altitude, I took a luxurious (really!) warm bucket bath in the sun that reveals itself in the morn, did some reading/follow-up work with the health post, prepared a salad for my host family (neglecting to take into account my host-mom’s missing teeth and her difficulty in eating hard foods- ah fracaso- definitely feel encouraged to tackle dental hygiene here), made a couple of tippy-taps (from plastic bottles for washing hands and brushing teeth) since we don’t have running water at home, did a variety of other small projects/feats, and oh yeah! witnessed a birth (un parto) of a girl my age, going on her third child. It will be interesting to mark what can be accomplished in a day in the Sierra – everyone (volunteers) say you have a lot of time on your hands, but for some reason, I don’t feel like I will ever run out of things to do—

To back up a bit, since I haven’t written for ages… I finished training this last weekend, with a grand finale of a ceremony, being ordained now as a volunteer, as opposed to as just an “aspirante”. Strange how we formed our own mini-subculture at our training center, and now we are dispersed all over different parts of Peru. We received our assignments in week 8, and I was assigned to a site in the Sierra, about 3350 m+ high in altitude, to a community called Mache, population between 500-800, sometimes less, depending on the season. Mache has 24 surrounding caseríos or towns, one of which is Lluín, where another health volunteer has been placed (about 1 hour walking distance away). Within the last weeks of training, we had field based trainings (volunteers were split up into groups depending on their respective program - health, environment, or water-sanitation), and we visited sites of other volunteers. I ascended to the department of Ancash, in the Sierra to Musho where they speak Quechua, to where white mountains lie, peaked by Huascaran, and waterfalls cascade down from glaciers. However, I could only partially view this scenery because of the fog—but I am bound to return. In Musho and Mato (in the lower lying valley), we built latrines, cocinas mejoradas (improved kitchen stoves and ovens) and hosted some charlas (talks/lectures), such as on early childhood stimulation. I was ridiculously sick in many ways while in Musho, when trying to dig canals and pits for the latrine—including having a very distended stomach and strangely, burping excessively—couldn’t eat for a couple of days. Leading up to departure to our final destination of 2 years, I hopped over to baja Piura for another site training, to a completely different climate—flatlands, in the chakras, hot—seemed like I was in Cambodia, or Thailand, amidst rice paddies with white cranes, and tropical, with the palm trees lining the fields. The towns around these areas were of dirt/sand. With the very dry, arid land, it really doesn’t make any sense to have rice paddies there, since they require so much water, but they were put there at some point and many struggle to keep them going. Environmentalists are highly critical of these rice paddy fields, so poorly placed in the dessert. In Casa Blanca and another town, we constructed some biohuertos/vegetable gardens, attempted a cocina mejorada, worked with some young teens, and enacted in some charlas, this time with HIV/AIDS/STD’s. The on-site trainings were extremely different as far as topography, language, and the people go, but in common—excessive malnutrition in kids and some shotty living situations.

Back to the Chaclacayo area (where our training was), we worked in some outerlying towns that experience a great disparity in comparison to those living in the center. We paid some visits on behalf of a health post, and visited an older man who used to lay concrete, currently living atop a hill (I don’t know how he even manages to get up there, with such loose sediment and dog crap everywhere), suffering from tuberculosis. His ‘house’ consists of boards with some tin for a roof- dirt floor, covered with winged bugs, filled with moisture, and dirt covered belongings. Some of his grown children live just below him in their ‘homes’ with their kids with many kids. I’m hoping in the future, a couple of volunteers will be permitted to stay behind around the training center area of Chaclacayo/Chosica to work with the surrounding, poorer communities. As it currently stands, we all disperse after the 10 weeks to different parts. There exists decent infrastructure in the towns’ centers, but this is lacking in the outer lying communities. While at a health post in Quirio, I was talking to a few girls who were excited to know we were there, but then, to their dismay, we were there just for training, soon to leave. One issue they brought up was their hope in preventing individuals from killing their dogs and leaving them by or in the water canal since it serves as their water source. Definitely hoping we cease making a very temporary presence in these communities, utilizing them as ‘practice’ before leaving…

On a more positive note, I did achieve one of my goals of teaching yoga/body flow 1x/week at the center (and one time with my host mom at 11 o’clock at night the night before I left, I wish our schedules could have corresponded better)—so now, I’m hoping to bring some of this good spirit to my community in Mache – needing to learn how to teach in Spanish...